Relationship Intelligence

Brian Moore introduces a new tool that will help you to increase those elements of your personal and working life that impact positively on other people

Organisations are not successful, it is the people who work in organisations that are successful: it is they who drive the organisation forward, slow it down or even put it in reverse. Conflict, stress, misunderstanding, poor communication, demotivation, resistance, low morale, poor productivity all have their origins in people and relationships. The latest research shows that a typical manager loses 25 percent of his/her day dealing with unwarranted conflict. Understanding people and relationships is no longer a soft option; it impacts directly on productivity, morale and the bottom line.

The purpose of understanding relationship intelligence is NOT to change anyone, it IS to show you how, using different approaches to different people, you can achieve your goals more effectively and more consistently and ultimately experience a better quality of life.

Relationship Intelligence™ [RI] will help you learn how to reduce those elements of your life that have a negative impact on you and others and also learn how to increase the elements that have a positive impact on you and others. Through RI™, you will be introduced to:

· you will be introduced to the difference between Motivation & Behaviour.
· how to synergise the differences in your styles.
· the impact of your style on others.
· what skills we can learn from others.
· how to reduce the incidence of conflict.
· what can cause conflict for you and for others, and how to resolve these situations effectively.

Many people make judgments about others based on the observable behaviour of the other person (what they do) without ever considering their motivation or intention (why they do what they do). The basis of this article is to raise your self-awareness into always asking yourself ‘why are they doing that’ in other words why people do what they do rather than just the what. What’s driving the behaviour, what’s their intention rather than jumping to our own conclusions based on our own experiences.

Our values provide our motivation for what we do in our lives, they drive our behaviour and our evaluation of whether we’re on track or not. Everyone has a set of core values. There is no one set of values that are better or worse, stronger or weaker than any other set. Our values are also context dependent. For example, our values may differ between our personal and professional life, in our sporting pursuits, in our relationships etc. Our values often change over time, especially after a major event in our lives such as when we get married or have children.

Where do the differences come from?
There’s no doubt that we are all different. There are the obvious differences – age, appearance, sex – but there are more fundamental differences. To understand others, as well as manage ourselves and our relationships with others, it is essential that we understand the root of what makes people so different.

Imagine that our behaviours are like a buoy on the ocean that may change depending on the circumstances or situations we may find ourselves in. Our attitudes, priorities, values and beliefs can change depending on life experiences and life events as described above. However, our Motivational Values System™ (MVS™) stays firmly anchored to the bottom of the ocean and is locked firmly in place at an early age. Our individual MVS™ is consistent throughout our life and underpins all of our behaviours.

As we begin to understand our values, we realise there is a driving force within us all – a need to be valued – to be recognised and appreciated for something. This drives our behaviour.

It is the way we try to realise these personal goals that tends to get in the way of maintaining effective relationships. We need to look deeper than simply behaviour; we need to identify what really drives us.

A person’s Motivational Value System™ evolves through both genetic influence and early life experience and does not change over time. Our MVS™ influences what we choose to do and be and what not to do and what not to be, it therefore influences our behaviour choice in all life situations.

The MVS™ is a fundamental concept for the achievement of both our self-management skills and relationship management skills.

We begin to know another person by noting the frequency of the valued behaviours they repeat. To understand another person (why a person behaves the way they do), we should take into account their Motivational Value System™. The more we understand why a person thinks, acts, chooses priorities as they do, the more enabled we are to interact effectively with that person — and that includes ourselves!

The Motivational Value System™ acts as a filter through which the behaviour of others is passed. It is the perception – and then the judgement – of this behaviour that affects the way we behave, our energy levels and commitment to the person or goal in the future.

How can we discover and better understand a person’s MVS™?
By using the Strength Deployment Inventory® (SDI) a self-awareness tool which is a proven, memorable tool for improving team effectiveness and reducing the costs of conflict. It is the flagship assessment of a suite of tools based on Relationship Awareness™ — a learning model for effectively and accurately understanding the motive behind behaviour. When people recognise the unique motivation of themselves and others, they greatly enhance their ability to communicate more effectively AND handle conflict more productively. There are many self-awareness tools in the marketplace that look at behaviour at one point in time as a predictor of future behaviour. What is different about the Strength Deployment Inventory® SDI® is that it looks at what motivates a person and how his/her priorities change in the face of opposition or conflict. The SDI® is also extremely practical, versatile and easy to understand. It creates a language that cuts through cultural and hierarchical barriers.

How does the SDI® work?
The SDI® is a self-development tool that gives us an indication of what really makes us tick and why we do the things we do. It looks at our motivations when things are going well and when things are going less well or when we are faced with conflict.

The underlying assumption of the SDI® is that all human beings need to interact with others in a way that makes us feel good about ourselves and at the same time makes the other person feel good about him or herself. The SDI® encourages us to think about behaviour not as an end in itself but as a vehicle that is driving us towards a greater feeling of self-worth. By better understanding these motivations we are more able to build effective relationships both personally and professionally.

The origins of the SDI® and Relationship Awareness Theory™ are based on more than
30 years of research by psychologist Elias H Porter. Although many personality theories
are about people, this theory was meant for people. It was intended to provide an effective means for understanding ourselves and for understanding others so that interpersonal relationships could be mutually productive and gratifying. The theory was planned to help people organise their concepts of themselves and their concepts of others around three basic motivations:

-Wanting to maintain relationships and the welfare of others.
-Wanting to direct others to achieve desired results.
-Wanting to be self-sufficient.

Porter’s work was heavily influenced by the likes of the psychoanalysts Sigmund Freud and Erich Fromm, and psychologist Carl Rogers.

How can this understanding help us manage and avoid conflict?
When we observe a person’s behaviour, we measure their motivations through our own perceptions of what we think their intentions or meanings are, whether or not this is the true motivator of their behaviour. Naturally, our perceptions are coloured by our own Motivational Value System™.

It is these perceptions that cause inner conflict and/or can lead to interpersonal conflict.
Typical conflict triggers are as follows:

Conflict is more likely to be triggered with a person with an MVS™ tendency towards maintaining relationships when they perceive that there is insufficient respect being shown for things such as openness, trust, harmony and the respecting of individuals.

Where a person with an MVS™ is predominantly motivated towards results achievement, conflict is likely where there is insufficient respect for task-focus, competitiveness, innovation and fast decision-making.

Conflict is more likely to be triggered with a person with an MVS™ tendency towards autonomy or self-sufficiency where they perceive that there is insufficient respect for personal excellence, self-reliance, objectivity and thoughtful decision-making.

Case Study Using the SDI®
Techniques to reduce unwarranted conflict, improve morale & increase productivity.

A shared service centre based in Ireland were going through a period of rapid change due to an economic downturn in their sector which necessitated a headcount reduction. The impact of this within the organisation was low morale, poor productivity and constant communication battles between managers and their teams.

Following a consultation with the management team, the objectives for performance improvement were established and it was agreed to run an SDI® workshop so that through more effective communication and enhanced self-awareness could used to overcome the present challenges.

Following the workshop, the senior management team was able to fully understand what drives their behaviour and what they could do enhance the relationships with their team, especially when communicating some of the sensitive announcements that needed to be made.

The net result of the workshop led a significant drop in the communication battles and personality issues between the managers and their team members, allowing them more time to focus on what needed to be done within the business leading to a measured increase in productivity and most importantly their was unanimous agreement that morale had taken a turn for the better.

More about the SDI® and Relationship Intelligence™
The SDI® tool allows you to discover your conflict sequence which is a predictable and sequential change in motivation when faced with conflict or opposition. Conflict has three progressively serious stages and can be resolved at any point in the sequence.

Much of the interpersonal conflict people experience on a daily basis is preventable. While preventing conflict takes work, avoiding or ignoring conflict can cause damage to your relationships. Awareness of your own Motivational Value System™ and how it may differ from others is crucial to your ability to prevent conflict.

When you deliberately relate to people, in a way that respects their motivations, you increase the chance that conflict will be prevented. Relating to others is a constant flow of information between individuals. It is no surprise therefore, that communication is consistently put forward as the number one issue in relationship management.

We have already seen the importance of, not only being understood by others, but also being recognised for the things we want to be recognised for. The absence of these two factors can lead to low productivity, low morale and high frustration. By pursuing our habitual style we could be denying others the opportunity to feel valued or even valuable plus we could be being totally misunderstood ourselves! The awareness of self and others helps you to improve all types of relationships - be they personal or professional. Understanding people and relationships is no longer a soft option; it impacts directly on productivity, morale and the bottom line. Relationship Intelligence™ is a vital skill in the 21st century.

To find out how you or your organisation can take advantage of these skills call 1890 818 819 or email info@peakpotential.ie for more information.

The SDI® and Strength Deployment Inventory®, Motivational Value System™, MVS™, Relationship Intelligence™, Relationship Awareness Theory™ are protected by worldwide copyright and are registered to Personal Strengths Publishing Inc.